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my sad attempt to be cool
take a look into my head. it's like being john malacavich, except i'm not john malacavich and i still haven't seen that movie.
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Dec. 22nd, 2008 @ 03:11 pm what subject?
if chirstmas is supposed to be a time to be happy and with loved ones, why do i feel so hurt and alone?
if life were this bitchin'
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Apr. 28th, 2008 @ 04:19 am morgan friedman? what?
i don't know what it is about jordan martin, but something about his music always makes me want to play and write.  i'm glad he seems to have finally moved passed the absolutely depressed phase he had after meriduth broke up with him...even though that does really such and i feel bad for the guy.  he dropped out of his band and came to tech for her.  sad that things didn't work out for them, but on the bright side i have gotten to enjoy his music.
so i come home in something like 92 hours.  friday is going to be a long day of travel, but i'm so ready.  i'm ready to be gone from this place.  it's starting to get hot and i'm having trouble sleeping at night.  then again it probably doesn't help that i had a moment of stupidity and fell asleep on the beach without sun screen and burned the crap out of my stomach.  going to the beach saturday was really good.  i had some time to just sit and think.  not that i don't usually, but the change of scenary was nice.  i realized i was kinda falling into a hole of frustration with being here and missing people and it was starting to really affect me.  but after a day to clear my head, i think it's going to be ok.  or maybe it's ok now because i realized that i get to come home really really soon.  mom sent me some pictures of my car and it's so surreal to think that that's my car, not just some mini in a parking lot.  being at the beach also made me really excited about this summer, i'm going to be in california, i'm going to be living 5-10 miles away from the beach.  and better than that i'm going to be there with tyson.  we can just going down to the beach after dinner and walk or watch the sunset, or just stay in with the windows open and hopefully be able to smell the ocean.  as amazing as that's going to be, right now though all i want is to just be back with him, wake up next to him, smell him when i close my eyes, feel him breathing next to me...i miss it all so much. 
and now i finally get to come home.  this whole trip has been a bit too much high school.  and now i'm done...just a few more hours and i'll be sitting in my mini pulling into tyson's apartment, finally back with perfection.
if life were this bitchin'
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Apr. 14th, 2008 @ 03:55 am the end is never soon enough
my stereo says: avenged sevenfold
two weeks, 4 days left til i come home.  i get to come home, get my sweet new blackberry and finally be able to call my boyfriend, whenever i feel like it, text him whenever i feel like it, no more looking for internet or counting cell phone minutes.  then of course i get to get my sweet new mini cooper.  and a new drivers licence thanks to some asshole in madrid, but oh well.  and a hair cut and an eye appointment and least exciting dentist.  and then finally i'll be back on my way to lubbock to finally finally get to be with tyson.  this semester away has sucked so bad.  but on the bright side, it's looking like i have a decent shot at getting into ucla, maybe even usc even though i couldn't afford it even if i got in.
went to germany last week.  it was fun, and a much needed escape from spain.  it was so great to eat something other than fish and drink amazing beer...cruzcompo = shit.  it was also nice to be on a relatively normal time schedule.  none of this lunch around 3 and dinner around 9 or 10.  dinner was between 6 and 7, and the nightlife didn't last much later than 12 or 1...so nice!  not that i was really up for going out after eating a heavy meal and drinking heavy beer.  it was still nice to get away.  i've just been so unhappy hear.  i wanted to go to the beach this weekend, but 90-95% chance of rain all weekend, so it's looking like i won't be going.  i hate it when it rains here, because there's nothing to do.  everything is a good 45 min walk and if it's raining, hell no i don't feel like walking that far.  not to mention i pulled a muscle in my foot and it's been killing me.
i have an interview tonight with some company called l-3 communications.  doesn't look that bad.  i'm pretty sure a huge reason i'm getting this interview is because i have a government clearance.  yay sandia!  best part is it would be in torrance, ca about 8 miles away from the exxon refinery where tyson's going to be.  yay!  so hopefully something there will work out.  it would be amazing for some many reasons.  i'd get to be with tyson, i'd have an actual ee internship on my resume, and i'd be getting paid a hell of a lot more than i will be at tech.  so keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
until later...counting down the days til i get to come home and finally get my life back, not this waste of time excuse of a semester.
if life were this bitchin'
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Mar. 28th, 2008 @ 04:34 am what subject?
i'm feeling kinda: excitedexcited
my stereo says: panic! at the disco- pretty. old.
in exciting news, only 35 days left til i get to come home!  i never thought i would be this excited to get back state side.  this program just hasn't been the experience i was looking for and all i want to do is go home.  i go to germany next sunday, and i guess i'm excited about that.  i would be more excited if i had my credit cards.  i really want to buy a beer stein and i'll be so sad if i don't get to because of my stupid wallet being stolen.  i wish i was going with tyson though.  he always seems a little bummed that i'm going there without him, but it's somewhere i've always wanted to go too.  i'm just going to one city, we'll still have plenty of germany to explore together.
having him here for spring break was so euphoric.  hands down the best vacacion i've ever had.  everything was just perfect.  so much good conversation.  it was just so nice to have someone to go get a drink with to get a drink and talk, not to get smashed.  i didn't realized just how much i've missed him until he left again and i have to go back to the way things were before.  perfect really is the only word for it, every little thing seemed to work out.  we got to enjoy fine art, kiss in the rain, ride the metro, see old castles and palaces, eat good (and not so good) spanish food...i loved sharing all of it with him.  he gave me a book about cali to look at on my way back.  just looking through it makes me so excited.  it hardly seems real, but now with the parents behind it, it's becoming more of a reality and i'm starting to get soooo excited.  it's nice that the apps aren't due until july though.  it'll give me a little time to get settled back in before having to apply.  this summer is going to be busy though.  2 full loads essencially.  if i end up doing what i think i'm going to, i'll be taking 24 hours this summer...granted 6 of them are online english and another 3 are linear algebra, it's still gonna be crazy.  i'm not too worried though, south plains is a joke and grades on transfer credits don't matter, as long as i pass.  it'll just so exciting.  so was talking about everything for our apartment.  i really can't wait.  i'm so excited about coming home...it's going to be pure bliss.  now if only i could make the time here go by faster...
if life were this bitchin'
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Mar. 4th, 2008 @ 06:32 pm to my dearest love
i'm feeling kinda: happyhappy
my stereo says: you, me, and everyone we know
because you still check my lj every day, i thought i would leave you a little note here to find in you next look. 
talking to you tonight was such a good talk.  i know that we talk all the time, but this was good, you've left a smile on my face to fall asleep with.  i love the fact that i can talk to you about every little thing, even though i still can't believe i'm letting you actually read all of these old entries.  god, it's times like these that make me realize how much that i have with you.  it's not that i don't appreciate you all the time, but every once in a while we just get going and i want to talk to you til the sun comes up about every little thing.  you are amazing in every way.  my heart starts beating faster just thinking about seeing you in 9 days at that train station. 


that trip to lisbon was exactly what i needed.  it felt so good to just get out of sevilla.  i was so bored all the time, sick of not doing anything, not really seeing people other than the 10 or so other people in my spanish class, and feeling like i wasted every day sitting around being lonely.  i decided not to care about who i was with or if i was with anyone at all during the trip and it turned out great.  i hung out with a completely different group than i normally would have, and i even met a group of students from all over europe who are studying in lisbon and went out with them.  that was more of the experience i thought i would be having while i'm here.  coming back on sunday night wasn't sad though.  we started our new classes and so far we've done more in the last 2 days than we did in the last 2 weeks of span 1607.   not to mention  that now that i'm back, i only have a few more days left until tyson gets here...into the single digets!  not seeing him has been so hard, i don't know what i would have done if he wasn't coming for spring break.
tomorrow i'm going to make my plans for the weekend.  probably just day trips out of sevilla, but it should be fun, as long as i do something i really could care less.  and then after that, i get to spend the following 2 weekends with tyson...what could be better?


baby, you are my reason for smiling and the light in my eyes.  i hope that you had fun catching up tonight (if you read this before i talk to you again...).  9 days!!!!!!!!  ahhhhh :D
if life were this bitchin'
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Feb. 23rd, 2008 @ 10:33 am what subject?
i'm feeling kinda: lonelylonely
my stereo says: something corporate
geeze, i can't believe it's been a month since i've written.  it's not that i haven't had time, it's just that i haven't really had anything to write about.  yes, i know, i'm in spain, i should be having the time of my life blah blah blah.  but the truth of the matter is i'm not, i miss tyson, i miss my friends, i miss thinking.  i'm lonely and bored here most of the time.  the classes here are such a joke.  it's kind of like a less strict version of high school spanish, and everyone gets an a.  we have "finals" in spanish this week, we change classes after we get back from our lisbon trip.  i'm not really worried about it at all, i could probably do a quick 20 min review before the test and make a hundred.  if there's anything this trip taught me though it's that it doesn't matter where you are, it's all about who you're with.  i spend more of my time bored out of my mind here than i ever did in lubbock.  part of that is just because of the way my classes are scheduled.  3 days a week i don't have class til 5, and well, i've never been one for sleeping all day.  and then if i don't do something at night i just feel so useless and like i wasted a day, because well, there's only so many times i can go shopping or walking around or to do all the touristy stuff.  i just miss tyson so fucking much.  being away from his is the hardest thing i think i've ever had to do because i just feel so empty knowing that i have to go to bed every night without him, and that while we may get to talk for an hour or so every night, it's just not the same as being with him.
the one thing i do like about being here though is getting to travel a little bit.  last weekend was the second of my four big trips that i have planned.  i got to go to barcelona and it was awesome.  it was such a neat city, i loved it.  but i would never want to live there, it made me happy to be living in sevilla instead.  last night was the second or third friday night i've actually been in sevilla.  i went to this bar they call the red door.  it was a good place to just go hang out and the drinks were pretty cheap.  we ended up meeting some guy from san diego that was here visiting his family, so we talked to him and his cousin most of the night.  the people here are pretty friendly.  i just hate that the nightlife doesn't start until 12 or so, because i get so bored sitting around because it's not socially acceptable to have people over to each other's apartments.  
20 days til tyson gets here.  i can't wait.  it seems like it's finally almost here, i'm just dying to see him.  and until then, i'll be counting down the days, looking for something to do with all my free time.
if life were this bitchin'
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Jan. 23rd, 2008 @ 02:14 pm i can't get this friggen song out of my head...
my stereo says: julieta venegas-me voy
so, spain, yeah?  it's strange to think about.  i guess it still doesn't seem real.  i go to school at tech's little "campus" and by campus i mean the second floor of a religious book store, so i see tech kids all the time and i'm living with jackie...it just doesn't feel like i'm so far away.  but it hits me in little waves.  especially when i think about tyson.  i've been trying so hard to not let it get me down, but there's just some days where all i can't think about is how he's not here.  at dinner tonight we were looking at some of the old pictures our family has around and it just made me think of the pics tyson sent me of his mom.  and after that all i could think of was how badly i want to just lay with him and kiss him.  when i called him he just sounds so busy and stressed, it's barely 3 weeks into the semester.  and then there are days like monday when i got to talk to him for 4 1/2 hours and it was so amazing.  thank god he's coming for spring break, i really don't think i could have made it til this summer without seeing him.
i want my package to get here so bad!  your hint didn't really help me at all!  but i'm excited about the surprise.  and the software, because the spanish classes such and i'm tired of not being able to communicate with anyone.  i went to the train station to buy tyson's ticket for when he comes over spring break and it was just god awful.  normally i can at least understand some things and get the general idea, but not today, nothing.  he talked way too fast.  the one thing that i have so say though, it's nice to have teachers who do actually speak the language and have a good accent to help with pronunciation ::cough cough ms perry::  the tutors are fun though.  last night i was with this girl and her boyfriend's best friend and they took me and jackie on a little tour of the one neighborhood, la macarena and then out for drinks and ham with her boyfriend.  oh the spanish and their ham...our mom has a pig leg in the kitchen.  it is delicious though, so i can't bash on it too much :D so i tried vino de narajas last night.  surprisingly good.  it was really sweet and i don't think i could drink it all the time, but it was a nice little citrus surprise.
this stupid song has been stuck in my head all friggen week, when i go to bed, when i wake, when i'm walking to class...ahhh!  driving me crazy.  especially since i still can't understand at least half of what she's saying.  damn you julieta venegas, damn you. ::shaking fist in the air:: so catchy, must stop...
if life were this bitchin'
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Jan. 13th, 2008 @ 11:35 am no se
i'm feeling kinda: groggygroggy
my stereo says: jason mraz-i'm yours
well, it's been a little while.  it seems like so much has changed since i wrote last time and it's only been a week or so, but for the most part it's been for the best.  first off, tyson's coming for spring break!!!  i'm so excited to see him.  i walk around and everything i see reminds me of him and i just want to share all the neat little things i find over hear with him, so i can't wait, i don't even have words for how excited i am.  god, that boy is so amazing...he has a hold on me like no one ever has, and the funny thing is it doesn't bother me, i'm so wrapped up in him too.  he's definately the best part of my life and my reason to smile in those shitty times that we all have.
in less disgustingly cute news...
i finally got to spain and all moved in with my host family.  they seem really great, but i'm getting really frustrated not being able to communicate with them.  i can't wait to start class tomorrow because i'm sick of feeling so ignorant and stupid.  other than that, our living situation is great.  we really lucked out.  we're one of 3 families to have internet, and not only do we have internet, we have wireless...hell yeah!  the apartment is huge too, 5 bedroom, 2 bath, living room, and a formal dining room, so it's aparent that our family has some money.  we're one of the closest homes to school, we're about a 15-20 walk.  just far enough to get in a good walk every day, but we don't have to take the bus.  and living with jackie again is good.  i'm glad i already knew and like my room mates.  we pretty much do everything with them, so it would be really hard to not get along.  we all have the same spanish class, and we're expected to be at home for meals, so i will be seeing quite a lot of jackie and sha tia this semester.  like i said though, i actually like them ::kelly cough cough:: so it won't be an issue at all.  biggest problem however- no central heat.  my room didn't get above 61 all day, i've been freezing.  our mom made us soup today and it was the best thing ever.  she's such a good cook, i could gain some weight over here for sure, so hopefully we'll be walking enough to counter act all that.
we're here during one of the two sales they have a year, so yay.  i'm usually not much for clothes, but everyone dresses so nice over here, and they have the most kick ass shoes.  i found a pair i really like but they were closed when i came back with money...tomorrow.
today's been a really strange day.  i've had a really stuffed up nose all week, so i decided to take some pills i had today.  i've taken some like them before, but they can't have been from the same package.  i physically couldn't keep my eyes open.  i got up to eat lunch and fell straight back to sleep for 5 more hours.  nothing like a good drugged up nap, i'm sure my body needed it, i've been staying up late to talk to tyson.  of course i love talking to him and would gladly go without sleep to talk to him any day though :D having a down day today has been really nice.  sleeping all day is best on days like today when it's cold and rainy.  i'm assuming jackie and sha tia got stuck in it cuz they aren't here...suckas!  i've been comfy warm in my bed all day dreaming of my love.  stupid time difference.  i already woke him up yesterday to talk, so i'll let him sleep today even though it's killing me a little.  he left his comp on though last night so i could call him for free and he fell asleep, so cute!  jason mraz said it best:
So, i won't hesitate no more, 
no more, it cannot wait i'm sure 
there's no need to complicate our time is short 
this is our fate, i'm yours

so here's to finding myself in someone else.  here's to olive oil covering everything i'll be eating for the next 100 and some odd days.  here's to learning so much from the people here and their hospitality. 
if life were this bitchin'
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Jan. 4th, 2008 @ 02:21 am damn it, that's the driver's seat
Current Location: manchester england
i'm feeling kinda: sleepysleepy
well first off, happy new years to all.
holy shit, i'm in england.  they all talk funny and drive on the wrong side of the road and have absolutely shit food.  so we started out in london, got there new years eve.  we went to some bar called vodka revolutions where everything was insanely expensive, but at least it tasted good.  i guess it was fun, but i felt left out because i didn't know anyone there really and the whole time i was thinking, why am i here?  i honestly wish i would have gone to midland for new years instead.  sitting in a strange bar with strange people that i could barely understand, missing tyson...that was my new years.  god, i couldn't really eat or sleep until i talked to him at the end of new years day.  longest day and a half of my life.  i guess i've been better now, i got to talk to him 3 hours that night, 2 hours last night, and a little bit today already.  it's just so fucking hard not being able to talk to him all the time.  i don't have a cell yet so he can't call me, and then i have to find internet to call him...it just sucks.  hopefully it'll be better once i get my phone though.
anyway, yesterday took a bus up to manchester.  we're staying with this girl maria who's an exchange student at tech that zach met at some random party.  it's been fun hanging out her, she's a sweet girl, her friends seem pretty chill, and it's nice to have someone who knows the area to run around with.  and not to mention, her house is hella nice and her parents are fucking loaded.  just damn.  3 mercadies, a vw svu, and a bmw z3 just for starters.  needless to say, the took us out today and i didn't have to pay for a thing which was really really nice.  the exchange rate sucks and everything is so expensive.  i paid $8 for a beer...and that's not even that expensive apparently.  tomorrow we're taking a train to nottingham to meet up with some other girl who goes to school out there.  should be good, hopefully.
i just want to get to spain so i can get my phone and get settled in and figure shit out.  i hate hate hate not being able to talk to tyson, it really is killing me.  god, this is going to be the longest semester ever...i miss him so much and it's only been 2 weeks.  it's going to be ok, i'm not worried about it, but just ::sigh:: i miss him.
if life were this bitchin'
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Dec. 23rd, 2007 @ 01:58 am not so much christmas spirit
wow, i can't believe how much time has already passed just since finals...everything seems to be flying by.  i'm back in albuquerque already, until next saturday...i leave in a week.  holy shit.  i'm not ready at all.  from finals to yesterday was so good.  staying with tyson, hanging out, watching a ton of house, sleeping late, all around perfection. thomas's graduation on saturday was nice as far as graduations go.  the after party was fun too.  nothing too crazy, but it was still a good night.  tuesday tyson flew out to houston to talk with flour.   wednesday picked him up from his job interview and we went out for a relaxing dinner and then drove out to ransom canyon to look at christmas lights.  it was so pretty, and the car ride was nice.  just reminicing about all the good times and how amazing it is that we worked out so perfectly.  it's so crazy...who would have thought the guy i met randomly at a party would turn out to be the one to steal my heart.  thursday did some last minute earunds, and then christmas gifts.  he got me a taylor guitar!!!!!!  i'm still in shock over it.  it's by far the nicest present anyone's ever gotten me, i can't believe he did that for me...just wow.  later went out of a good dinner and just enjoyed the time we had together.  stayed up late watching house, cooking, and trying to cope with the fact that it was our last night together til may.  it still hasn't hit me that i won't see him again til graduation.  i don't know how i'm going to deal with it really.  he's kinda my everything right now, i'm so wrapped up in him.  i've never been this head over heals about a guy and it definately shows.  i'm just so glad that i know i'm coming back to him...may 9th, can't get here soon enough.  i know it's not good to wish the next semester away because i'll regret it if i'm just wanting it to be over the whole time i'm in spain, but at the same time, being back with tyson is worth yearning for.  thank god for web cams and skype right?  i just miss him so much and it's only been a few days...
if life were this bitchin'
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